Finding Music

We’ve had a rough few weeks in our house.  While I don’t mean to be cryptic, it’s not something we’re ready to share, but know that Scott, Cara and I are all ok.   

All the while, I’ve been in Psalms and reading again and again about a new song, and God giving a new song, and praising God with cymbals, at a time when I didn’t feel like singing, when I didn’t feel like I had a song in me, or could even find one if I tried.  

A dear friend, coincidentally asked during this time how my prayer life has been, and I replied “well, God and I have been talking a lot”.   “Talking about what?” he asked.  I confessed that I guess there hasn’t been so much talking, as just being. 

I suppose things between me and God have been pretty quiet, not for lack of closeness, just for lack of words.  

So it was a bit incongruous that I kept reading about new songs, when there has been little singing, when prayers have been more subdued, more of the sighs too deep for words type.  

And truthfully, it didn’t feel very faithful, it has felt a little passive.   It felt like I should be singing, finding this song that kept coming up in my scripture reading.  I felt like I should be reaching for some easy platitude that would pull me past the sighing and into the singing.  Yet there’s not one, at least not one I could truly buy into.   

Then I came across this verse

“By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.”  Psalm 42:8

The Lord commands his love…God’s love isn’t passive.

At night, his song is with me

A gracious reminder that it’s not always about us.   This relationship is two ways, we don’t always have to be the one doing everything, being the one "feeling faithful.” 

Because God is more faithful than we can ever be.  And sometimes it’s ok that we are quiet.  Maybe even good.  Continuing to walk with God, even in silence, is faith too, though it may feel passive at times.  

Soon after I ran across this verse

“This I know, that God is for me” Psalm 56:9

And that’s enough.

That’s faith, even when it means just holding that truth in the quiet places of our hearts.  God commands his love, directs it, to fill in the gaps.   

The music plays, even when we can’t sing.  God knows to take over with the piece during the night, when there is not a song in us.

God sings for us, like a lullaby to our broken hearts. 

And we continue journeying together, us and God, sometimes just being, and taking turns with the singing.  

Maybe this new song I kept reading about was meant just for me to listen to for a bit.  

And then sometimes, the music finds you again, and you can’t help but sing along.